Day Two

Dear Diary,

                Today I told my best friend about my plans. She has been by my side for an extremely long time. As I said yesterday, she was the only one who defended me in sixth grade. Yes, we had a faking out in junior high. But over time we reconnected. When we graduated high school, we didn’t do a whole lot together. But a few months ago, we went to dinner just to catch up. In all honesty, I thought we would have dinner and then we wouldn’t talk again for a year or so because that is what had happened several times already. But when we were eating, I could tell this time was different. Now, we are closer than we have been in a long time.

                After that first night, we talked every day. We made plans and met up multiple times a week. It was refreshing for me. I felt like I had my best friend back. She is a big part of why I have been able to make the changes I have made so far. She made me not care what people were thinking when we were together. And I always had fun with her. She moved to Chicago in October, so I miss her. But we are still close. And I can’t wait for her to see this. When I told her what I was doing, she told me she was proud of me. That meant a lot to me. Doing this blog is tough for me. I am putting myself out there and making myself vulnerable. And I don’t know exactly what the response is going to be.

                Though it makes me nervous, I know that she will support me. I know she will be there to give me advice when I need it. And that this will make us even closer than we already are. Knowing that I have her and my family on my side gives me strength to push through all the things that I worry about. I have been blessed. God gave me a wonderful family that has helped me through all the years of bullying and other struggles. And he has blessed me with a best friend who understands me. But he also blessed me with the gift of writing.

                When I was in ninth grade, my English teacher introduced my class to poetry. We had to write poems every so often. At first, I hated everything I wrote. But it stuck with me. I continued to write. And it became an escape for me. In fact, I submitted a poem in tenth grade to be published in a book that contained poems of school aged kids. It was accepted and published in that book. It made me so proud. I couldn’t believe that out of thousands of poems, mine was selected.

                Years later, I am still writing. But I don’t just write poems. I write short stories and novels as well. Writing gives me a chance to relax. When I write my poems, I am open and honest. I say what I want and express my emotions without hesitation. My poems help me let go of all the emotions I hold on to too tightly. My short stories and novels let me transport myself to another place. I get to be someone else and tell a story that can give others a chance to escape from reality for a while. I am so thankful for my gift of writing that God gave me. I know that He knew I would need it and that it would help me (and hopefully others) in the future.

                For today only being the second day of my journey, I already feel different. I still fell scared of the struggles ahead of me. But I am also excited. I am ready to see what I can do and who I will become. I am ready to make new friends and help people who struggle the way I do. I hope that when if someone reads this and is inspired by my story, I can talk to them. I hope I can be a support system to those who need it. It has been extremely hard for me to get where I am now. Finally putting myself first and doing things I need to do. It took me several years to realize I have every right to strive for my dreams. And I have every right to share my story and try to help others. I am thankful for this journey and the chance to achieve my dreams and become the person I want to be.

~ Love Raine